11:12 p.m. - 2009-10-06
I'm a liar
I've been dreaming with him for 2 weeks straight.
How can you spend entire days with someone who's (apparantly) crazy about you, but you spend your nights with someone else in some other reality?
I'm cheating.
In the most unapparent, unrealistic, non-physical and subtle way.
And I feel guilty, because I haven't seen him in at least 3 months, but I dream of him.
As if this is not a big red flag of an indicator that something is about to go terrily awry, there is more.
I'm at work on Tuesday and my boyfriend is doing my job, putting away the movies and CDs, probably in perfect pristine order.
I answer the phone, and its him. HIM. And I blush, terribly. I know its him, but i insist on asking who it is. I'm blushing, probably looking like a bright red cherry... ready to fall off a tree.
And I smile. Guilty. So guilty. I blush. Guiltier... We've been seeing each other for two weeks. In dreams.
He asks if we have a certain CD in stock, and I know we don't but tell him I'll check and call him later.
And when we hang up, and I'm still blushing... completely transparent. My boyfriend seems to notice and his smile walking over to me fades. He knows.
He asks who it was, and I say its Josh asking for his schedule. Liar.
I can tell he knows I'm lying, which makes me feel naked and vulnerable
Caught, I excuse myself to the bathroom. Escaping the truth that my heart is somewhere else.
